From Where I Sit…

The hum of the furnace and Elvis’ little snore. My fingers typing as the next words come to my thoughts. The lights on our Christmas tree and the feeling of excitement this time of year — even without children, it’s still magical. Pine and peppermint as I breathe it all in. The heat of my teacup in the palm of my hands. Cinnamon and chai finding shelter in my mouth, and eventually down my gullet and into my stomach.

It’s cozy right here, in my little nook of the couch sharing a heated throw with my dog. I could stay here all day, read my book (currently Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari) but I will eventually stretch my legs for a trail run and muster up the initiative to begin, and with any luck, accomplish, the few chores I left behind on Saturday.

My weekends, they are different now than they were a couple years ago. I often wonder how I hustled so hard without skipping a single beat, or without thinking I did anyway. I don’t dwell on it. Simply, the thought passes and I grin with gratitude because it’s different, but so much better.

In the last year I’ve learned an impactful little life hack that’s drastically changed my perspective in nearly everything I do. I used to stress and worry about my food and my body and my movement and my status and the opinions of the masses. This is where the hack commenced, and I’ve since implemented it into nearly everything. Five senses. All I’ve done is slow down. That’s it, I’ve taken then time to appreciate what I’m doing by way of acknowledging its affect on my body. I’m not prioritizing my physical body’s appearance, but putting my brain first. It’s been quite the journey, humbling and tough, but confidently I’m happier.

Coffee on most days, Facebook, carrying my phone everywhere (including sleeping with it at my bedside – I’ve got a real alarm clock again!), self loathing, constant contact, rhetorical sharing….a small list of the few things I’ve quit over the last year. Quitting Facebook has the most impact in a lot of ways but the rest (and others) play large parts in my life and peace of mind now.

I’ve tried each day to pull away from sharing in Instagram because I don’t want people to know me so generally. I’ve grown to only care much about the opinions of few people – those are the people who hear from me almost systematically. I don’t know if they tire of me sending photos or updates via text when I used to blanket share to whoever followed me, it’s the only way I can check the important boxes. It sometimes feels clunky and time consuming, however, less time is spent in the long run without social media filling my brain and guiding much of what I do. I don’t want to share life across the board anymore because I don’t want the opinions of the world dressing my head space in dull tones each day. Truth is, if they aren’t packing the few empty spaces in my head they are being talked about or thought about by people who probably don’t actually care about me.

The harder truth….sometimes it feels lonely here. When I made the decision to quit social media as much as I can, I knew people would reach out or forget me. I had many people surprise me with their efforts but I can’t expect it from the world. I know this, and it’s a tough truth. People communicate by way of socials and opting out doesn’t automagically give me notability in any persons life other than my own. My attempts to keep in touch often fail. During these ticks of desolation I check in with myself and find the moments fleeting. I am, as a whole, more at peace. I still use my blog and podcast as an outlet and that’s become bountiful.

If we’ve lost contact along this junket, I’m either sorry or grateful. I do hope anyone reading this takes a moment to step back and see what they spend time doing. I wish I had more time, but we are all given the same hours each day, and frankly, I’m happier with my dog, on this couch, sharing my (hard) truth than I ever was reading the world of opinions and banter and general discovery of mostly strangers or haters or sometimes friends for long moments every day. I am happier knowing I’m forgotten in the sense it also means I’m needed less often by those whose intentions never have my best in mind and with purpose or without, simply used me for the human I am.

This is what I hope for you. I hope you realize your time has value, and our time here is fleeting. Don’t do anything out of obligation – if you can do it, you want to do it, and it truly involves you – do it…otherwise, take a breath, and feel your senses, and smile. Give yourself grace.

Till next time, stay beautiful and breathe ❤️

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